You're Not Failing.You're Under-Supported.

Jennifer

Welcome to Built for Your Family, an original podcast by Kinspire. I'm Jennifer Mingucci, and I have the privilege of leading our incredible community of parents raising outside-the-box kids. These are parents navigating developmental differences, delays, diagnoses like autism, ADHD, sensory processing challenges, learning differences, or sometimes just the feeling that traditional parenting advice doesn't quite fit their child.

And if that's your story, you belong here with support built for your family. Before we jump in, I want to share something that stopped us in our tracks.

This year, we surveyed more than 14,000 parents raising children with developmental differences, and 96% of them believe that they can make an important difference in their child's life. Yet, only 46% of them know what to do in most situations to make that difference. That gap between those two numbers is why Kinspire exists.

One parent told us, "I feel like I am doing everything wrong." And if you've ever felt that way too, we want you to hear this clearly from the beginning. You are not failing. You are under-supported, and that's what this podcast is all about. Every week, we're going to help you better understand what's really going on underneath your child's behavior, why typical strategies often fall short for outside-the-box kids, and what you can do in real life, in your real family, to create more connection, more progress, and a little bit more peace at home.

So today, we're starting at the foundation and to help us unpack all of this, I am joined by two of my favorite people who have dedicated their careers, and I can honestly say their lives, to helping families like yours. First, Kinspire co-founder and chief clinical officer, Lily Baiser. Lily is an occupational therapist with more than 18 years of experience supporting neurodivergent children and their families.

She was recognized by the American Occupational Therapy Association with the 2024 award for Most Innovative Practice. But her favorite role is being a mom of two, including one with ADHD. And alongside Lily is Kinspire's chief neuropsychologist, Dr. Jill Gitten Aloia. Dr. Jill brings more than 20 years of experience in developmental neuropsychology, including research, assessments, intervention, and supervision of teams of practitioners.

She has a deep expertise in ADHD and executive functioning, and she has spent years helping families understand the connection between behavior, regulation, and the developing brain. And she's also a mom of two herself. Together, Lily and Dr. Jill combine the worlds of occupational therapy and neuropsychology to create something parents have needed for a very long time, a clinical framework designed specifically for outside-the-box kids and the families raising them.

So let's get right in here.

Lily, I would love to start with you. At Kinspire, you've had the opportunity to meet with thousands of families of outside-the-box kids, and when parents first come to you, what have they been trying that's not working? What do you hear again and again from families who are looking for your help?

Lily

So, I think the first thing that I notice is just how exhausted parents are., by the time they find us, they've tried so much already. They have read books, listened to all the podcasts, they've tried the sticker chart, the reward systems, you name it. And they're already putting so much energy into their child, and they're still feeling stuck.

They're really communicating how, helpless they feel because they just don't feel like they have the tools that they need to help their child. And I think most parenting advice assumes children have this consistent access to skills like emotional regulation, impulse control, flexibility, executive functioning.

But many of the kids that we work with don't have reliable access to those skills yet, so the typical parenting strategies and the things that they're reading in books and listening to in podcasts just don't apply to them. So they naturally feel like they're failing. But as we know, and as you just said, we know they're not failing.

Jennifer

And Dr. Jill, in your work, you're conducting evaluations, you're spending hours helping families understand their child's unique profile, and you get a front row seat to what's actually happening after parents finally get these answers. What do you think is missing in the world for these families, and where's the gap between what parents are given and what they actually need to feel more confident in supporting their child at home?

Dr. Jill

Parents are given a diagnosis. Often they have an evaluation. I've done hundreds of those evaluations myself, and we, me being a neuropsychologist, occupational therapists, other interventionists, we make recommendations. And so parents get these, long lists of recommendations, but they don't have the advice on how to make that recommendation work for their child.

So we might talk about, as Lily mentioned, that they have some executive dysfunction, and they're struggling with something like organization, and we talk about building in organization for them in a recommendation. But then the parents don't know what to do because maybe their child is melting down when you're trying to get them to do the task, and that wasn't written specifically into those recommendations.

So I think the gap is that they have a diagnosis, they have or perhaps several diagnoses, they have a recommendation or often many recommendations, but they don't know how to apply it to their child with their child's particular struggles. That's the big piece that's missing for parents.

Jennifer

I feel like you and Lily are really combining so many of the similar experiences of parents who are trying it, putting the tools in their hand, but they don't have that extra piece of information to make it uniquely theirs.

And I know that that's really what led the two of you to create Precision Parenting, Dr. Jill, at a high level, what is Precision Parenting?

Dr. Jill

So it really, tags onto what I just said. It's really focusing on the children that we see.

These are outside-the-box children, and we use that term because some kids have a diagnosis, some don't yet. some have multiple diagnoses. but they're struggling in some way that makes them different from maybe the more common neurotypical kid. and so Precision Parenting is all about how do we make this type of intervention that we're talking about appropriate for your child?

How do we look at the full framework? How do we gather data on your child? How do we pull in what they need, whether it's regulation, executive function training? and then how do we help you as the parent, and that's the key, how do we help you as a parent to intervene? So it's all about not necessarily learning something like one time a week for your kid, and then not knowing how to apply it, but it's really figuring out where your child's specific struggles are and how you can intervene to support them.

Jennifer

I think what we're seeing is we're actually combining Dr. Jill and Lily into a clinical framework where we are overlapping neuropsychology with occupational therapy, and then our engine to power this for you at home is actually using AI to customize the interventions specifically for your child, your daily life, your routines, and your environment to make that customization and precision actually possible for parents.

Dr. Jill

I want to jump in, Jennifer, because I think one of the things that you said is so important, and the key here is that we're combining OT and neuropsychology. So as a neuropsychologist, I would often give these recommendations around, for instance, executive functions, and I might say, "Okay, parents, go home and set up this organization system."

Dr. Jill

And I might be overlooking this part where they're having regulation issues perhaps because their environment is overwhelming them, and there's too many sensory components that are making them dysregulated. They can't even listen to their parents. So by combining all the knowledge that Lily has as an occupational therapist with my knowledge as a neuropsychologist, we're hitting it from both ends, and that seems to be the key for making change from our experience.

I know the two of you have organized Precision Parenting into five key pillars that help parents better understand and support their children. Let's start with the first pillar: data. The idea is simple. Understand the why behind your child's behavior. Lily, as an occupational therapist, what kinds of data are you most interested in parents paying attention to as they learn more about their child?

Lily

So I love this question because this is really the question that I think helps parents make the biggest shift at home, is really helping them understand what's going on below the surface of these behaviors. I often tell parents to, be really curious instead of- Mm corrective. Just really looking at what is actually going on, what's going on before, say, a child is having a meltdown.

What's happening in the environment? What happened before? What are we asking the child to do? Just to really take in and analyze what is actually going on, because we might think a child is melting down because they're tired or they just don't want to do something, when in reality maybe the environment is too overstimulating because they have sensory processing challenges and sensory processing differences.

So we need to understand what's actually going on inside their body. It's helpful to know what their sensory profile looks what their executive functioning skills are, and understanding their preferences and understanding what is stressful to their body so we can really make the best decisions about how to support them in their everyday life.

Jennifer

I think that is the piece that parents are missing. So many of us don't have access to the skill evaluations that OTs do, and so just these. Ideas of having access to understand your sensory profile, where your child may be triggered in environments could have a huge unlock for parents.

Definitely. And

Dr. Jill

Also, if they understand their own profile, that becomes key. That's a good thing. Parents really start to learn. As they're learning about their children, they learn about themselves, and they realize, "Oh, wait, I get really overwhelmed when there's a lot of noise."

So if their child is maybe melting down in a loud way, they're going to have a harder time regulating themselves. And as they pick up this information, it makes it easier for them to make the changes they need, not just for their kids, but for themselves to be better parents.

Jennifer

And then if, Dr. Jill, if Lily's chalking on some of the things in a child's body and their nervous system, where does the neuropsychology lens come in?

What patterns or information are you looking for that would help parents better understand how their child's brain is working?

Dr. Jill

So like you said, occupational therapy is like the window to the body. Neuropsychology is essentially the window to the brain. That's, that's the analogy there, and you really need to understand both to support a kid.

So with neuropsychology, we do all sorts of testing as we're learning about a child to learn about the way that they're thinking, the way that they're feeling, the way that they're behaving, and all of this is what allows us to understand how a child takes in information, holds onto information, that working memory or long-term memory component, how they organize it, and how they act on it.

So without understanding how their brain functions in all of these different ways, like are they able to pay attention? What is their working memory so that ability to hold onto information? How well do they organize things? If we don't know about their strengths in those areas, which we can learn about through testing, but we can also learn about from observing our children and working with them, without understanding that, if we just give them expectations, they might fail because they don't have the skills.

So where occupational therapy really focuses on what's happening in the body, neuropsychology focuses in terms of like what's happening in the brain and what kinds of skills the child has.

Jennifer

So what I'm hearing from both of you is that the data is really the foundation of making our informed Precision Parenting decisions, and the more we understand our child's unique body, brain, nervous system, strengths, and challenges, the less we are guessing, and we're more responding with confidence and intention.

For parents listening who want to better understand their own child's unique profile, you can take Kinspire's free clinical consultation in which every single question has been handcrafted by Lily and Dr. Jill. These questions will give you a family profile about your child, you, your environment, and give you the tools and the keys to unlock the patterns and insights we've been talking about today.

But understanding our child is only the first step. This brings us to our second pillar, connection. Dr. Jill, let's start this one with you. When parents hear the word connection, they often think of bonding, spending quality time together, but from a neuropsychology perspective, what role does connection play in Precision Parenting?

Dr. Jill

Connection is key. That’s the long and short of it because really for children and adolescents — and even in our own relationships — think about this in our own relationships, you can have a really hard time listening to someone, working with someone if they don't feel a connection.

Dr. Jill

And I can take away the anxiety that, as we talk about this, we're not talking about spending, tens of minutes or hours of time with your child. Sometimes it's really short periods of time connecting because when a child feels safe, and that's safe in terms of being understood, that someone understands their sensory components, that someone understands what their, skills are, what their needs are, they're going to be much more likely to be able to, l- like I said, to listen, to react, to work with a parent.

So, it's not that connection is like a soft skill that we're talking about. Connection is actually probably one of the most fundamental skills, the most foundational skills that we need when we're talking about any type of parenting.

Jennifer

I feel like Lily has a superpower of connection, truly, in both professional life and real life.

I'd love for you to just touch on connection both as an OT and as a mom raising a daughter with ADHD. How have you seen connection play a role in your own parenting journey?

Lily

Again, I'm a parent. My daughter has ADHD, and I have made so many mistakes along the way. And just being a therapist, I'm constantly thinking in that therapy mindset, and I sometimes have to remember to, separate myself from that therapy mindset and being a parent, because I might, focus too much on, managing the ADHD and giving her accommodations and breaking things down, when in reality I just need to connect and hang out with her and have some fun.

I've learned along the way that, really to, hold back a little bit when I'm feeling like I want to manage everything and break things down in a therapeutic way. I remind myself, I think I need to just focus on connection a little bit more, and things do improve. So it really is this, constant game, and I'm sure it's worse because I am a therapist, so

Jennifer

You have to get out of your OT mind.

Lily

Yes, exactly. I'm constantly analyzing everything. But connection. We’re not

Dr. Jill

We’re not trying to fix our kids. We need to love our kids and connect with our kids.

Lily

Exactly

Dr. Jill

Not just fix them. But But parents feel that. When they're in the middle of it, they feel like the only thing that they can focus on is what the problems are.

And they forget that actually a huge part of parenting is just spending time with their kids.

Jennifer

this makes me actually, very emotional, just hearing, Lily, what you just shared, and Jill, you reminding us that we're not here to fix our kids and fix all of these problems. I think it's so easy for us to get caught up into the tasks.

Even as we get strategies and tools from therapists that we were talking about earlier, you become so focused on the strategy and that you're missing your child's, cry for attention and connection. So I feel like that was a really important moment for us to take away from today's conversation.

And I think the other piece that that makes me think about is when your child feels understood and they feel safer, they're actually able to access our next pillar, which is regulation. And so Lily, I'd love to come back to you on this one, because I feel like regulation is such a key part of what you teach parents, and you're often reminding parents to put on their regulation glasses.

So for parents who are new to that concept, what does it mean to wear our regulation glasses, and what are we looking for when we start seeing behavior through our regulation glasses?

Lily

So I made up this term because so often we forget to think about the fact that if we are not regulated, we cannot access skills.

So when parents talk about a meltdown, they're, and they're trying to fix that behavior, I will often say, "Okay, let's put on our regulation glasses," because we can't logic through a meltdown, right? We need to first regulate, and then we can access the skills. So it really means to be that detective that I was talking about when we spoke about the data.

We really need to figure out what's going on first. So let's put on our glasses, take a beat, and really try and understand, what's going on first of all, and then how can we regulate them? How can we help them help their nervous system return to a more regulated state so we can access their skills, so we can move forward in whatever we're trying to do?

Jennifer

What might be a cue for me to put on my regulation glasses?

Lily

I think any time that we start to feel, as parents, that frustration "Oh my gosh, my kid is just not listening. They're trying to manipulate me. What's going on?" When you start to feel frustrated and not having, those problem-solving skills to really support them, that's when we need to put on our regulation glasses.

I think it's, "Okay, I know they're struggling right now, and how can I help them?"

Dr. Jill

I had a, I had a thought while Lily was talking, and I was thinking wouldn't it be great if when babies were born, we didn't just hand out, diapers and bottles if you're not breastfeeding, and we actually handed parents these, regulation goggles that they knew when their child was getting really upset, that they should put on these regulation goggles, and focus on that first.

But then I thought it's actually a nice analogy for parents because when you think about babies, a baby starts screaming, our response isn't to tell the baby to stop. We don't say, "Stop screaming. Stop screaming." Instead, we rock them, we calm them, we soothe them, and then we try and figure out what the problem is.

Are they hungry? Are they tired? Are they wet? And so that same concept really applies as kids get older. We have this switch suddenly where, they might be having a meltdown, and they're screaming, and we as a parent have this instinct to just make them stop. But instead, if we can connect with them, calm them down, soothe them, then figure out what the concern is, whether it's a sensory problem, they don't have the skills, for executive skills for tasks they've been asked to do, then we can move forward easily.

At some point, we somehow drop that after they're infants, but really we should keep it going.

Jennifer

I concur. That's making me reflect on quite a few things, specifically what Lily said, when I can't access my own skills, that's also a good sign to put on my own regulation glasses. Don't know why I had to take it back to the grownups thinking about the grownups.

But Dr. Jill, I would love for you to talk a little bit about when we think about regulation, we've been talking about your child's regulation, your child's nervous system. Where does my regulation as a parent come into play? And can you talk a little bit about our ability to stay regulated to help us co-regulate with our children during these hard moments?

Dr. Jill

Well, that word that you use is the key word. It's co-regulation, and we know that that's one of the most effective ways to regulate a child. And so we do that early on. Like I said, we start with infants, and we're the ones who are calming them, and it's very obvious for parents that, our really young kids rely on us for their regulation.

But what we know about kids, especially kids who are outside the box, is that they often seem to rely on that co-regulation for longer.

Dr. Jill

So it's a more extended period of time where they need some external support, and so it's us as the parents who are providing that regulation for them.

They're literally picking up on your regulated energy, on your model of regulation. And so one of the keys when we think about parenting in this way is not just how do we regulate our child, but it's actually how do we regulate ourselves first? Do we need to step away when our child's having a meltdown?

What do we need to do to calm down? Is it too noisy for us? Too bright for us? Are we feeling overwhelmed with our responsibilities? So what do we need to do to regulate so that we can help them regulate through co-regulation?

Jennifer

So Lily, does this mean every parent has their own sensory profile?

And their own sensory needs?

Lily

Yes, for sure. I think co-regulation really is one of our most powerful tools that we have. So if we go with that, we really need to understand our own sensory profile and our own executive functioning abilities so we can really learn how to help ourselves regulate. 'Cause I think a lot of us don't really know how to best regulate ourselves.

If you learn this about yourself, if you understand your sensory profile for me specifically, touch is a little bit too much for me. Sometimes when, the kids are constantly touching me or my husband's touching me, I'm just "Okay, I'm touched out for the day, everybody. I need a little bit of a break."

But I know that about myself, so I can really identify that when I'm feeling that, irritation and overwhelm. And I think that awareness is so important because if we don't have that awareness, how are we supposed to help ourselves regulate?

Jennifer

For sure. For me, it's visual clutter.

Visual clutter. When I’m dysregulated, I'm not going to be resourced in how I approach a situation. But if we put some things neatly into a bin, suddenly I can breathe. So if mine is visual clutter and Lily’s is touch, Dr. Jill, what sends you?

Dr. Jill

Jennifer, I have to say that mine is the same. This is why we get along.

Had an example of it last night. We're having all these repairs done in our house, unfortunately, had, a water leak, and my husband came to talk to me and, I could barely even talk to him because I needed to put things away first. It was overwhelming to have everything all around. And then as soon as I put everything away, I went downstairs and I was back to my settled, calm self.

knowing that all of that clutter is around is really difficult for me.

Jennifer

This is why we can bond. Because I think the piece about regulation, it feels almost like a clearing for us. And if we have that clearing and we're able to see more clearly, one thing that I think becomes more obvious to us as the grownups in the room is our child's capacity.

And that really leads into our fourth pillar, which is expectations. Dr. Jill, I think that this is one of the most important mindset shifts for parents raising outside-the-box kids. And when we talk about adjusting expectations based on capacity, what does that actually look like? How can parents tell the difference between what a child won't do and what they can't do in a given moment?

Dr. Jill

The key word that I always use to help you understand your child's capacity is scaffolding, and literally picturing that scaffolding on the outside of a building where you build it up to provide support. So, it's funny because all of these pillars, every time you mention a pillar, I'm "Oh, that's such an important one."

I know. And that's why we created them as pillars. But this is another important one.

Dr. Jill

Because if you, for instance, want your child to go initiate their homework and they're not good at initiation, it will feel like they're being oppositional.

Dr. Jill

If you, for instance, ask your child to go clean their room and they're not good at organization, it will feel like they're not listening to you.

But if you put that scaffolding in place, and I'll use organization as an example, and say your child has, is weak in the area of organization, and so you say, "Well, I need to go in and give them the top five things that I want them to do." So maybe I want them to put their clothes in the laundry that are on the floor.

I want them to make their bed. I want them to put those scraps of paper in the garbage. if they have plates in their room, bring them out to the kitchen, and sweep the floor. I don't know, I just came up with five off the top of my head. So you can give them those five and feel "Oh, I really supported them.

I've told them five things to do., I know their organization skills aren't strong. Now they should go do it, and if they don't do it, they're being oppositional." But actually, they might need even more scaffolding. In other words, they might not be able to hold those five things in mind, or they get easily distracted.

And so they might be a child who needs additional scaffolding. They might need one item given to them at a time, or they might need you to walk through one item several times until they learn how to do it. So understanding really where their skills are and not just thinking, "Well, they're 12, they should be able to clean their room," is going to be really important for a parent to take away your frustration and recognize, nope, your child won't be disorganized the rest of their life.

I have experience with this, with my own, and really scaffolding some skills that weren't there, putting them in place, and with lots and lots of practice and breaking it down the right way, they start to build the skills. They're less frustrated, you're less frustrated, and they gain the skills, too.

Jennifer

This makes me think of Lily and her Just Right Challenge within occupational therapy. Lily, how could we think about what the Just Right Challenge is when we're thinking about these parenting moments and our expectations?

Lily

this comes back to data, right? We need to, understand where our child is at, what they are capable of.

And just to add to what Dr. Jill is saying too, we need to understand what the regulation is in that moment, because that's the big piece about, their current capacity. Your child could be really good at organization, one day- and they could be really regulated that day, but the next day they could have had a really tough day at school, and then you go and ask them to organize their room, and they totally just lose it and break down.

We really have to always think about, the regulation as well, and understand that their abilities might change day to day, which is really frustrating as a parent. but we-

Dr. Jill

Or even different parts of the same day. They can be regulated in the morning and then, after school, not regulated and not able to do it.

Not able to do it.

Lily

And, and again, it makes it really hard as a parent because we have to constantly we're thinking about so many things. okay, are they regulated? What skills are they accessing? Can they do this? Can they not? But as you start to think in this way, it's going to get easier, I promise.

But we need to consider their regulation as part of their abilities as well.

Jennifer

I feel like there's probably some parents listening to this who are taking in what you're saying, they're thinking about the data that maybe they already know about their child, they're thinking about what happened this week at school, what's happening right now at home, and there might be some feelings of looking at their child against their peers and feeling like their expectations need to be so much lower, and feelings as parents of shame, guilt, remorse.

How can parents help navigate that? And is that normal, where you're starting to look at your kids against their peers and feeling oh, maybe this, I actually need to give more support than my friend next door who has a child the same age does?

Dr. Jill

It's not only normal, it's actually really important.

One of the things we talk about, especially with outside-the-box kids who might be more significantly delayed, is that it can be helpful as a parent to take the time to grieve the child that you expected to have but didn't. Because I think most people have kids expecting "Oh, this is going to be easy.

I'll give birth, I'll get through the baby period," which is maybe the hard period, they're not sleeping, "and then my kid will easily be able to do their homework, join after-school activities, make friends." and when those things are challenging, it can, it can be tough, for a parent to accept.

And so not ignoring those feelings is actually really important, and just saying ", this is a reality. It is a little bit harder for me than my next-door neighbor. It is harder for me than the or for my child than the other kids in their class because they struggle with regulation or executive functions."

But on the flip side, the other thing I would also say is we don't know what's going on behind closed doors. So on the one hand, it might feel like I'm the only one who's working on these skills, and this is one of the things that we love about this community that we're building, communities online, is that- Actually, a lot of parents are dealing with these types of difficulties.

And so, a child might appear like they're fairly well-regulated or they have good executive function skills, but that might be because they're really working on it behind the scenes, and there's a lot of scaffolding in place and a lot of supports in place. So I would say focusing on it from both ends.

If you're struggling with it, not ignoring those feelings and just saying it's okay. It's okay to have those feelings, accept them, but also recognize that other people are working hard, too.

Jennifer

And Lily, this makes me feel am I going to be doing this forever? Dr. Jill, when you're saying to adjust my expectations, am I going to be doing this forever?

Which leads to our fifth pillar of progress. Lily, I know that progress for outside-the-box kids can look different than their neurotypical peers. Could you give me, some relief that I'm not going to be doing this forever, and then maybe some examples of the progress you see families celebrating that might seem small to others but are actually huge wins worth recognizing?

Lily

So progress can look like so many different things, and oftentimes progress, actually really small steps, right? It can be something I just recently had a family who wanted their child to be able to sit at the table for 10 minutes to eat a meal. and after a week, their child sat at the table for maybe 30 seconds, and that's never happened before.

And although it's not the 10 minutes, that's a really big win. It's a huge win, and we have to celebrate that because progress really doesn't happen overnight. We really have to consider, the child's regulation and consider all of these skills that might be at a deficit. And a lot of times kids have delays on top of a deficit, and it's going to take time to learn something new.

Generally, kids need a lot of repetition on top of it. So-

Lily

The more we can support them, the more we can be, consistent,. we're going to see the progress. However, it's really going to be in baby steps. And the more that we are, accepting of the small little baby steps and not expecting these huge, huge gains, the easier it's going to be to actually, stay on our path and maintain, our progress.

Jennifer

Dr. Jill, how could parents start to be detectives or on the lookout for growth when it doesn't look the way that they expected or maybe happen on the timeline that they hoped for? How might parents have a little bit of a shift in what they're looking for?

Dr. Jill

One of the key ideas is to look back, not always be looking forward.

So what by that is what happens for a lot of parents is your child's making some progress, and you're always onto the next thing. well, as Lily said, okay, they're sitting at the table for 30 seconds, but can they sit at the table for 10 minutes? And also, can they put their shoes on? And also, can they get to school without complaining?

And they're always looking at what else needs to be fixed and forgetting, oh, wait a second. Over the past six months, we actually got up easier in the morning, or we put on a variety of clothes when they were sensitive to clothes, or they were able to clean up their room, two of the steps of clean

And we just forget about those, that they were problems, and we focus on everything that is still a concern to us. So I think one of the really important keys is look back every once in a while. what has changed over the past couple of months, couple of years? What's getting better? so that's one idea.

And the other is truly to just have a little bit of, I want to say faith. I'm not using it in, a religious term. whatever that means to you. But, if your child is struggling with sleep and they're crawling into your bed, there are things we can do, and I can almost promise you they're not going to be sleeping in your bed when they're 18.

we do see kids who have struggles maybe through even middle school, but that doesn't last forever. And so that's the other thing to remember, is that these difficulties do get better as long as we're working on them and focusing on those small increments. So it's don't worry about far off in the future and look back to remember where things have gotten better.

Jennifer

I am for sure guilty of moving the goalposts after the goal has been met, always going onto the next thing. But using our measuring stick to look back rather than looking at all the milestones not yet met or all the skills not yet reached, but using that measuring stick looking towards the past I think is a reminder we can all use.

And what I really loved about what you're both saying about, progress is that it gives parents the permission to stop chasing perfection and to really start noticing the growth, and that is what Precision Parenting is all about, helping families feel more understood, more equipped, and less alone.

And before we go, I would love for each of you to share with parents what's one thing that they can take with them this week that they can try between now and our next episode. Lily, what is one small shift parents can start today?

Lily

I would love for you to try the regulation glasses once. If you're starting to feel frustrated, if you're noticing your child is getting overwhelmed, put them on.

Yes. We

Jennifer

Have to

Lily

Put them

Jennifer

On. We have to put them on.

Lily

If you're noticing your child is getting overwhelmed, before you take the next step, put your regulation glasses on and be a little bit of a detective and try and figure out what's actually going on below the surface, and then that might give you some clues to help, support your child.

Jennifer

All right. Jill, we've got our regulation glasses from Lily. What can we take from you into the week ahead?

Dr. Jill

Okay, so now your regulation glasses are on, and you're therefore able to help calm your child a little bit, and I would say flip the script in your head. Okay. So rather than saying, "Why can't my child

Why can't my child do this? Why can't my child do that?" Instead say, "What's one thing I can do to support my child?" So, and it can be tiny, some really small thing. They're not getting out of school, getting out, ready for school in the morning. Maybe that's you hand them your backpack rather than get their backpack, rather than getting upset that they haven't grabbed it.

So, what's one small way that you can support them, where they might be struggling?

Jennifer

I think that is something that also could build some connection, back to where we were earlier, which I think would be great. I just want to say this directly to every parent listening.

You are not alone, and if you can't fully feel that yet, I think that you will because over the next few weeks you are going to hear stories, struggles, and moments from families in this community that are going to sound deeply familiar. And my hope is that little by little this starts to feel like a place where you can finally exhale.

Next week we'll begin putting Precision Parenting into practice. We'll tackle one of the most common challenges facing outside-the-box families and help you understand what's happening underneath the surface and what you can do about it. If this episode has helped you, the best thing you can do is leave us a review.

It helps other families find this show, and if of a parent who needs to hear this, share this episode with them. You can find us at kinspirehealth.com, and if there is a topic you would like us to cover on the podcast, we'd love to hear from you. You can submit the ideas and feedback through our podcast survey linked in our show notes, and thank you again for tuning in to Built For Your Family.

Built For Your Family is an educational podcast. The information and strategies shared here are for informational purposes only, and are not a substitute for individualized clinical care. Lily and Dr. Jill are licensed clinicians, but nothing in this podcast creates a clinical relationship or constitutes therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice.

If your child needs direct medical support, we encourage you to work with a qualified professional in your area. Built For Your Family is a Kinspire original podcast hosted by Lily Baiser and Dr. Jill Gitten Aloia. Produced and edited by me, Jennifer Mingucci. New episodes drop every week. Find us wherever you listen to podcasts and visit us at kinspirehealth.com to learn more