Is It Manipulation? Office Hours

Your child is all smiles until you say no, and then come the tears. They’re “too sick” for school but fine by 10 a.m. They play one parent against the other, or melt down at exactly the moment that gets them out of something. It’s hard not to wonder if you’re being played, and well-meaning friends and family may already be telling you that you are.

Here’s what’s often true: what looks like manipulation is usually a child using whatever tools they have to meet a need they can’t name. That need might be avoiding a demand that feels overwhelming, escaping anxiety, getting connection, or regaining control when things feel unpredictable. Kids learn what works. That isn’t scheming. It’s how the brain is wired to protect itself. Understanding the need underneath changes how you respond, and that changes the behavior too.

In these office hours, Lily Baiser, MS, OTR/L, and Jill Gitten Aloia, PhD, ABPP-CN, take your questions live. Bring the specific moments that leave you second-guessing, like the sudden stomachache, the tears that stop as soon as you give in, or the negotiation that never ends. Lily and Jill will help you sort out what’s driving it and how to respond without getting stuck in the push and pull.

Your child isn’t out to get you. They’re trying to get something they need. This is a space to figure out what that is.