But You Said…”: Why Your Child Falls Apart When Plans Change

What you’re seeing: The restaurant is closed, so you pick another one, and the whole evening collapses. A substitute teacher, a different route home, a sibling in “their” seat: small changes set off tears, arguing, or a full shutdown. Your child holds tightly to how things are supposed to go, and when reality doesn’t match, they can’t let it go. Telling them to just go with the flow only makes it worse.

Why it’s happening: Adapting to change relies on an executive function skill called cognitive flexibility. It’s the brain’s ability to shift gears, adjust to the unexpected, and consider another way. For many outside-the-box kids, rigidity isn’t stubbornness. It’s a brain that finds it genuinely hard to switch tracks once it’s committed to a plan, and a nervous system that depends on predictability to feel safe. When a plan changes, it can feel like the ground shifting underneath them.

What helps: Flexibility can be built, but not in the middle of a meltdown. In this session, Jill Gitten Aloia, PhD, ABPP-CN, shows you how to prepare your child for change and grow their flexibility over time.

What we’ll cover:

After Dr. Jill’s talk, she’ll be joined by Lily Baiser, MS, OTR/L, for a live parent community Q&A. Bring the changes that derail your child most, and Dr. Jill and Lily will help you figure out what to try.